Birthmoms are not a secret in our family to Sports Dude, Miss Bossy, and even Belly Boy if he understood. We don't talk of them all the time and rarely to people outside the family, but my parents don't pretend they don't exist.
Lately Sports Dude and Miss Bossy have become more interested in the women that gave them life. Dad and Mom looked up pictures of them and after showing the pictures to the kids, they remarked on how much they looked like their birthmom. The same nose, mouth..
Since lately we've been teaching Belly Boy to answer yes when someone asks if he's from Ethiopia, the other kids have become interested where they were born and they always love to hear the story of how Dad and Mom came to see them and bring them home from the hospital. Since Sports Dude and Miss Bossy weren't born out the States, they have memorized the citites where they WERE born and will eagerly remind each other and sometimes even argue on which city is better! It's kind of funny!
The only reason why my parents may not talk about birthmoms to the kids, is if it is causing them security issues. It's very important that they always feel like a part of this family and not an "outsider" because they aren't!!!
Birthmoms are usually spoken about in our family as the women that loved the kids enough that they knew they couldn't give them a good home and gave them to us. They are never referred to as "your other mom" or anything that could cause confusion or insecurity. I don't believe that birthmothers should be a secret to kids as they're growing up because it's likely the older they get before they hear the truth, the harder it will be to accept it.
